YOUR PATH

By Julie Mezzell For HollyMCombs.com

This section is designed to be informational and provide guidance for young people who may be going through a rough time. Each person is unique and so the information will be general. If you are in need of specific help we will give you information on who to contact for individualized attention!

The “teen” years which start as young as age 10 and last until age 25 are very difficult and often impossible to survive. With so many changes happening to a young person’s body it is often easy for that person to fall off the path to growth and maturity. Not only are there bodily changes to deal with, there is also a change in feelings and emotions that are less visual and therefore much harder to understand.

Before we talk about specific topics, there is one recommendation that I make that can be critical for helping most teens get through tough times. I strongly recommend finding a mentor. An adult person, be it a relative or friend, that you trust completely. Talk to that person often. Use that person as a sounding board for things affecting your life. As a teen it would have been self destructive for me to tell my Mother about my feelings or the decisions I faced. Unfortunately, she is not very open minded and would have rushed to judgment on decisions that I faced. Instead, I developed a wonderful relationship with my Grandmother. I could tell her anything and everything. She kept my confidences and never judged me by what I told her, most of the time she just listened. If I asked for opinions and advice she readily gave it. She did not tell me what to do unless I asked. Often times just talking to her, I was able to work through issues and find the right answers. I also learned to be a good listener just by her example and was able to help friends in later years because of what I learned from her example.

After spending time in chat rooms and reading at different boards, it becomes obvious that the most common message among teens is I NEED HELP or I AM CONFUSED. Below are some topics that are being addressed to try and answer some questions and provide guidance.

IDEAS FOR STAYING ON THE PATH

1. YOU ARE GREAT AND DON’T FORGET IT!

2. WHAT IS OKAY AND WHAT TO AVOID!

3. WHO AM I AND WHAT CAN I DO THAT MATTERS!

4. I AM SCREAMING FOR HELP!

YOU ARE GREAT AND DON’T FORGET IT!!!

No matter who you are and what you have done you are still important. This one idea could save so many young people during difficult times. It is so easy when hormones begin to rage to lose sight of your own importance.

Try to surround yourself with people who see your worth and will provide a positive atmosphere. Cool friends can also be a positive influence. You can be a cool friend by being a positive influence back to your friends.

Everyone has positive qualities and it is important to find those qualities and use them. Some people are great students and some are not. Some people are better socially than others. It is a good thing to look for the area(s) where you feel most confident and pursue those interests. There are so many great activities available and many of them at little or no costs. If you are athletic get involved in a sport that you like. If you are into the arts find an area that you enjoy and get involved. One of the greatest ways to boost self-esteem is to get involved in activity that allows you to get positive feedback from your peers as well as adults.

Do not go through your teen years without getting involved somehow. You don’t have to be a Homecoming King or Queen, just get involved in something that will allow you opportunities for success.

Getting involved in good positive activities will keep you from getting into things that are not positive influences. I don’t mean that you can’t have fun, but you do need to do things that are not illegal and things that will not hurt you physically or mentally.

Each morning when you are getting ready to face the day look in the mirror and tell yourself how great you are. Remember to treat yourself like the most important person in the world because ultimately there is no one in the world that can care better for you than YOU!

WHAT IS OKAY AND WHAT TO AVOID

The move from childhood into the teenage years brings more occasions for young people to interact with other young people outside of parental guidance. Unless you are well prepared it is hard to know which choices you make are good ones and which choices you need to avoid.

When faced with a choice that looks attractive but deep inside your gut instinct is to run, follow your instincts. Many teens let themselves get charmed into doing bad things by looking at what makes it an attractive choice. You go to a party and there is a lot of alcohol and drugs. Everyone seems to be having a great time and they tell you that it is because they are high. On the surface it looks like fun but deep inside you know it is not legal to do the drugs and if you are underage then you know that the alcohol is also not legal. DON’T DO IT! You can go to a party and have fun without getting drunk or high. Don’t let your friends pressure you into doing something that is wrong. In the long run they will come to admire you for taking a stand and you may even become a positive influence for them. I am not saying, necessarily, that having a drink is wrong. I am a firm believer that legal things done in moderation are not wrong. I am saying that if it is illegal for you to do it then don’t. Believe it or not most of our laws are designed for our protection not to control us against our will. As you grow older and mature you will learn to make good decisions with moderation in mind.

It is a good idea to develop a personal philosophy and stick by your beliefs. Sit down with your mentor and discuss situations that you may face and how you will react. Practice reacting to situations you may face. Nothing wrong with standing in front of the mirror trying out things you might say. If you are approached by a friend who wants to sell you drugs, it is much easier if you have decided that you are not going to do drugs and how to tell someone that you have no desire to do them. There is nothing wrong with saying “No thank you. I don’t do drugs because they are illegal and they can hurt me.” For those of you who are worried about being made fun of or losing friends because you don’t participate, I promise you that you will gain more respect in the long run by sticking to your position! You may also save your life and someone else’s as well.

One of the best pieces of advice I can give is try to surround yourself with friends who feel the same way you do. If you friends all feel that it is important to wait until they are of legal age to drink then you are less likely to be tempted. I understand that it is not a perfect world and some of your friends are going to do things that you do not choose to do. It doesn’t mean you can’t be friends, it just means you have to be prepared to avoid the temptations.

When faced with making choices that you have not planned for it is always better to take your time and think it through. Teens especially make bad choices about sexual activity because they get caught up in the heat of the moment and react with feelings and hormones and not with brain power. When I was a teen I would use the ten second rule a lot. When I wasn’t thinking clearly and I needed to make a quick decision and I would take ten second time out to think. My first question to myself would be am I likely to get in trouble for what I am about to do? If I am not careful will this affect the rest of my life? My favorite/hated tool was my Mother. Anytime I was doing something that was questionable all I had to do was think of my Mother’s reaction and it would stop me immediately. It left a couple of boyfriends very frustrated but looking back stopping was the right decision!

IF IT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT THEN DON’T DO IT!

WHO AM I AND WHAT CAN I DO THAT MATTERS?

One of your biggest challenges as a teen is deciding who you are. The person we become is a sum total of all of our experiences and so who we are is a constantly changing thing!! You can have a lot of control over who you are by doing things that matter.

If you have younger siblings they will constantly watch what you do and that gives you a big opportunity to do things that matter!! By setting a good example and passing on things you learn you have a chance to help them avoid mistakes you have made.

If you are old enough and can handle the responsibility get a job. Nothing helps a person mature better than taking on the responsibility of a job. Not to mention the money comes in handy. You also gain valuable experience for later career opportunities. I had one employer ask me who paid for my college career. He felt that it was important that I took responsibility for a portion of my finances at an early age. You do have to be careful and not let a job get in the way of completing your education. Get your high school diploma and if possible go to college. College is wonderful training ground not only for career purposes, but for becoming an independent adult. Planning for college begins in your early teens. To get into a good college you need to have good grades all through your high school years.

If you are in a situation where getting a job is not a possibility then try to take on a volunteer position. Get some experience and do something that gives you a purpose and sense of importance.

I AM SCREAMING FOR HELP!!

Never be afraid for to ask for help. Go to your mentor first. Face to face talks usually make you feel better and your mentor will know enough about you to help you make good decisions. If you don’t have a mentor or someone you trust to talk to I recommend you call one of the resources listed below.

Thursday’s Child is an excellent resource of information for help. They have a website oriented to help teens who need advice or who are in serious trouble. Their site is located at www.thursdayschild.org.

You can call their hotline at 1-800-USA-KIDS or 1-800-872-5437.

Their mailing address is:

24100 Hartland Street, West Hills, CA 91307

I asked Thursday's Child about contact numbers for outside the USA and this is what they said:

"As for our services, they are worldwide, but so far we can only afford to have a toll-free number in the US and Canada. We do have the ability to respond to anyone via email in any major European or Asian language, meaning German, Russian, Ukrainian, Spanish, Dutch, Italian, Greek, French, Portuguese, Italian, Chinese, Japanese and Korean. We can also communicate on the phone in some basis Russian. Emails are the best form of communication for non-crisis issues. You can e-mail us at day5child@thursdayschild.org.

I am also willing to take questions and comments. You can e-mail me at Julie@hollymcombs.com.

Click here to read letters from troubled teens that have been answerd by Thursday's Child.


Click here to read inspirational stories.

Special inspiration for this portion of this site comes from Holly. It would be hard to find a story more inspiring than hers. There had to be serious determination on the part of Holly and her Mother that allowed them to overcome the odds. I have been involved in similar situations where the end results were not good, so when I see a success story like Holly’s it makes me want to reach out to others and try to make the odds better.

The responsibility for you starts with you! Love yourself first and others will love you as well!!!!